Tissue Paper, Please.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 4:38 PM

0


I don't mind being called desperate and embarrassing and pathetic, the ex who couldn't move on, the ex who continued hoping. I was once yours and there have never been any secrets kept between us. You knew very well how not so good I am with keeping to myself whatever I feel.

It's not just because our "should-have-been-3rd-anniversary's" coming. Every single day since day one when we ended our love affair, I've been battling the familiar emptiness that I haven't felt for quite a long time. I was so used to having you around that even when we are not physically together, I am at peace knowing that you're just at the other end, waiting to be needed.

But things became totally different since that unfortunate day. I slept at night wondering if you ever thought of me too while you laid down on your mattress. If you ever missed the warmth we shared when we are right next to each other, hands intertwined in the dark. If you ever regretted giving me up, the first and only woman that you loved with your whole life.

Yet there's no way to know how you feel and think. I couldn't just make you say things that I want to hear.

Do you know it breaks my heart seeing you doing just fine while I bled and hurt inside? To realize that I'm the only one suffering and being haunted by memories and being lulled by tears to sleep at night. You probably don't even know how pathetic I think of myself everytime I make and then break my own rules and self-imposed limitations. I try not to talk to you, not to smile at you, not to even look at you and I always end up swallowing my own crap.

Everybody's telling me to just move on and forget about you. That's like a stab in the flesh, through and through. They don't understand how hard it is for me. That moving on are not just words but actions needing a lot of energy to expend on.

Yes, it's almost been a year and look, here I am, still wallowing on misery. They say a person's just supposed to feel pain for 5 minutes. At the rate of how I'm doing, the pain's too tremendous that I couldn't just get over it.

I just can't.


It's Almost Time.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 6:37 PM

0

Bigtas.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 3:33 PM

0

Kahit Havaianas pa ang chinelas mo, hindi ito garantisadong ligtas ka sa bigtas.



Ito na ang ikalawang pares ng Havaianas ko na nasira. Yung isa, ang haba ng storya nun. Pero ang alam ko, tumagal din ng isang taon yung gold pair ko. Gustong gusto ko sanang mag sulat tungkol sa gabing iyon ngunit napaglipasan na ata ng panahon at nawala na ang interes kong mag sulat pa.

Pagdating ko ng bahay kaninang umaga, agad kong hinanap yung unang pares kong nasira. Pero ang sabi ni Lenlen, tinapon na daw yun ni nanay. Sayang, gusto ko pa naman sanang kunan ng picture yon at isali sa mga Havaianas-related contests. Haha.

Anyway, itong glow-in-the-dark pair ko eh binili ko nung February this year. Hindi ko nga masyadong nagagamit yan pero ewan ko bakit bigla na lang nabigtas. Sabi nga ng nanay ko, sa sobrang kakagala ko yan kaya madaling nasisira at hindi nagtatagal ang mga mamahaling tsinelas. (At sabay na din sabi na bibilhan nya na lang daw ako ng limang pares ng mumurahing tsinelas sa downtown.)

So ewan ko ba. Nakakapanghinayang talaga lalo na't sarili kong pera pinambili ko dun. Mabuti pa nga sigurong wag na muna akong bumili ng Havaianas. Sayang eh.

Across The Universe.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 7:15 PM

0













Anhedonia.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 1:28 PM

0


The absence of pleasure or the inability to experience it.

Goodmorning Glories And Halitosis.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 7:36 AM

0

You thought that today’s just the same as the days you’ve always had. You, seated at the passenger’s seat while your Dad maneuvers the wheel and drives you to work. You wish you didn’t turn the radio on as soon as you did. This song that reminds you of a boy who once loved you plays on air. You turn the car stereo off and get out of the car thinking the rest of the day would be fine. But good luck is not by your side. You punch in a minute late for work and that’s minus 10 pesos from your daily wage. Then you go to the nurse’s station to receive the last 3 patients being endorsed. Your senior nurse gives the patient assignments and you learn that all the intubated and hourly-monitored patients are assigned to you.

So you thought your day’s gonna be just fine. A patient dies under your care because you thought he was fine and is ready to go home. You were busy carrying out orders and making referrals about your other patients. Your patient’s significant others blame you for what they say “negligence”. And you know that under the law, negligence is a ground for your license’s invalidity. You wished people would be sensitive enough to not throw insults at you.

After 8 hours, your body aches and your salary can’t even afford a whole body massage. So you go home feeling like a zombie. While in the car, you imagine of a warm shower as soon as you get home and your cozy bed awaiting you. Sweet long sleep is 5 minutes away.

So you thought you’ll be getting the rest and peace that you rightfully deserve. When you arrive, you find your mom’s loudest aunts from the barrio and their huge bags that takes up almost half the space of your tiny room strewn all over the place. You are so pissed that you wanted to get out of the house and be somewhere else. When you open your wallet, you have nothing but a 20 peso bill that can’t even suffice for your jeepney fare.

Now tell me, how could your life suck more than mine?

Bwiset.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 8:00 PM

1

After what felt like a tiresome duty today, I decided to meet my college friends and share a bounty of cheeseburgers and twister fries with them.

So I was riding the jeepney with a dutymate. We were talking about the day we had at the OR when the jeepney stopped. Up came a passenger: a child, about 4 feet tall and was wearing tattered clothes. His feet were bent inwards, in a really funny way, as if he didn't have joints. I recognized the child. I once shared a meal with him while eating at Jollibee. He said he never knew his mother and has always grown up alone in the streets.

Now, I usually ignore street children. I never paid special attention to them. Sorry to say this but I am at most times irritated of them.

But today, I realized that I am on a happy mood so I took out three 1-peso and 6 25-centavo coins from my purse and kindly handed it to him. He didn't look eager but took the coins from my hand anyway.

I asked him where he was going, he said "Sa city. Maghahanap ako ng pagkain dun." I noticed that he kept playing with the coins that I gave him so I told him to keep it inside his pocket. He looked at me and said, "Puro bebeynte singko naman 'tong binigay mo sakin eh. Di pa to makakabili ng tinapay." I don't know if I was imagining things but I'm pretty sure he muttered the word "kuripot" beneath his breath.

What ticked me off all the more was when he started throwing the 25 centavo coins to the road. I swear, I have thought about strangling that kid to death when I saw what he did. How fortunate he was though, I was wearing my nurse duty uniform.

When we were about to get off, that drat of an ungrateful child showed me a bundle of 20 peso bills. From that very moment, I regretted that I had to give my coins which I could have used for my next jeepney ride.

I did a random act of kindness, which I RARELY ever do, and that's what I got in return. Anyway, lesson learned.
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)