But now where do we go?

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 11:12 AM

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“What do we do now that we are back in that city and it isn’t the same. What is it that made us both miss each other more than a little bit this summer. What were we missing. Now I don’t know how to be friends with him. I can hardly look him in the eyes because he will so easily be able to see how I’m feeling. We both suck at hiding our feelings. I’m afraid that even looking him in the eyes, hugging him goodbye, will give away the fact that if he asked me today if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I’d say yes. But why do I want that still? Practically, I know there were some major no’s in the picture. But when your heart gets so involved how can it be totally wrong. I don’t want him to know that I might still like him. I want more than anything for him to be my friend and for me just to want to be friends with him. but I need him to be supportive I think. I wish he could just know that I still like him, but know that i’m trying to get over it. I wish he could try to get me to talk about other guys with him. Maybe that would be too awkward but maybe it would solidify in my mind his position as just my friend. Today is Saturday and all I want to do is hang out with him, but what if he doesn’t want to hang out with me. Or what if I want to hang out, but as soon as we do, I can’t do it. What if I can’t stop thinking of him as more than friends.”


2 Days In Paris.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:42 AM

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I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good. The idea that this is it, this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. To decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem — it’s very difficult for me. I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life. It was a lie but I said it anyway. 
It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.
When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story.
I really love this one.





When I think that its over, that I’ll never see him again like this… well yes, I’ll bump into him, we’ll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.





Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.




There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses. 

Feeling Better Now.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 10:12 AM

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I finally got answers. Never thought that Stallion, my old buddy, would be helping me out on getting the truth out.


I told him I am afraid that when the time comes when he's ready to let me in again in his life, I wouldn't love him as much as I did before. I wouldn't be able to care for him and shower him with so much love and be the best person for him. But I told him I would try to wait for him. But I am already tired, I said. My heart' can wait for him only up to a certain point and then it gets exhausted.


He said, "Thank you for taking this risk. I love you and I'd never find another you. You are my greatest love and I don't know if I'd ever meet anyone who loves and cares for me as much as you do. But I can't be your happy place now. I'm sorry. But I love you very much that I don't want you to hurt like that. You're strong and I am just asking for you to be stronger and wait a little longer for me. Just hold on to the thought that you're still the one my heart's beating for and that you're my special girl and you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."


We both agreed that we'll be looking after each other. We both promised to pray for our love. 


We pray that our love would "withstand the test of time". 

Questions.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 2:56 PM

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Lord, this should feel right, shouldn't it? Why don't I feel right about it? 


If this is my answered prayer, why am I not happy about it?

Is this a sign?


I love You Lord and I believe you're planning the best for me.
I just want to know what this means, all of this. 

Que Sera, Sera..

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:53 AM

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Checked my phone as soon as I opened my eyes today. Slept for only 3 hours and my body clock just won't give me some more sleep. Read my inbox, saw his messages and thanked the Lord, it wasn't just a dream. I am awake and all these words we have exchanged before we fell asleep were real. Without having to say it aloud, we know.. We still love each other.


I've prayed hard for this. Now I don't know what to do, what I want to occur next. Told myself I shouldn't expect for something to happen in the days to come. No expectations, no commitments. I should pray harder that I could stick to these rules. 

Not An Inception Movie Review.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 7:47 PM

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A Facebook friend's status: ______ is curious how the regular everyday juans & marias would react to the movie Inception.


My reply: I'm a regular everyday MARIANNE. I'm neither smart nor attentive but I understood it. One doesn't really need to be of higher intellect to grasp what it's all about. Afterall, it's just a movie, not an IQ exam. ;)

Where Did My Books Go?!

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 8:52 PM

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I woke up today with an odd thought in mind: "Where did my books go?"

I suddenly remembered some books I bought 2 to 3 years ago that I have not seen in my room, nor in my brothers' room, for a long time. 

1. I particularly recall that I have 3 books about abused children. A Child Called It, The Chinese Cinderella, and a book I bought at Booksale for P15. All 3, inexplicably gone.

2. I also have a collection of Jessica Zafra's Twisted books, from the first till the last one she's published (there are 8 Twisted books plus the others). The only book left with me is The Flip Reader. :(

3. I know I have a lot more books that I couldn't seem to find now: Sidney Sheldon's novels that my dad bought for me, hardbound, back in highschool (he always disapproved of me reading these novels at age 12 but got tired of reprimanding me eventually), as well as John Grisham's and Danielle Steel's novels. Also those chic lit books by Summit Media: The Break Up Diaries, Vince's Life, Drama Queen, etc. Lastly, my Neil Gaiman, Nicholas Sparks, and Paulo Coelho books.

WHERE DID MY BOOKS GO?

I figured, I should have made a list of all the books I have purchased or were given to me as gifts eversince. I would beginning today.

Thus, I decided to SLEEP with my books again. (To keep an eye on them.) My mom would freak out if she'd see all of my books on my bed but she can't wrestle me on this.




I used to have more books! WHERE DID MY BOOKS GO?!
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