I don’t know where you are. The silence is killing. I feel you in my hand, and squeeze the empty space inside it. Even the air I breathe is lonely and aches for you.

I don’t know when I’ll see you again, or hear your voice. Do you long for me too? Do you sometimes look past your drink, into the dim light of the evening, and imagine me beside you? Does your hand still hold the memory of mine in it?

My heart is bursting. I don’t know how to continue without you. Even though I know that I will.

And I also know that, whatever life I live, my nights will remain the same. Spent in dreams and secret conversations with you. In painful sighs and tears hiding behind a whispered name. In wondering and missing. Just like this, always in love with you.

You thought that today’s just the same as the days you’ve always had. You, seated at the passenger’s seat while your Dad maneuvers the wheel and drives you to work. You wish you didn’t turn the radio on as soon as you did. This song that reminds you of a boy who once loved you plays on air. You turn the car stereo off and get out of the car thinking the rest of the day would be fine. But good luck is not by your side. You punch in a minute late for work and that’s minus 10 pesos from your daily wage. Then you go to the nurse’s station to receive the last 3 patients being endorsed. Your senior nurse gives the patient assignments and you learn that all the intubated and hourly-monitored patients are assigned to you.

So you thought your day’s gonna be just fine. A patient dies under your care because you thought he was fine and is ready to go home. You were busy carrying out orders and making referrals about your other patients. Your patient’s significant others blame you for what they say “negligence”. And you know that under the law, negligence is a ground for your license’s invalidity. You wished people would be sensitive enough to not throw insults at you.

After 8 hours, your body aches and your salary can’t even afford a whole body massage. So you go home feeling like a zombie. While in the car, you imagine of a warm shower as soon as you get home and your cozy bed awaiting you. Sweet long sleep is 5 minutes away.

So you thought you’ll be getting the rest and peace that you rightfully deserve. When you arrive, you find your mom’s loudest aunts from the barrio and their huge bags that takes up almost half the space of your tiny room strewn all over the place. You are so pissed that you wanted to get out of the house and be somewhere else. When you open your wallet, you have nothing but a 20 peso bill that can’t even suffice for your jeepney fare.

Now tell me, how could your life suck more than mine?