But now where do we go?

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 11:12 AM

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“What do we do now that we are back in that city and it isn’t the same. What is it that made us both miss each other more than a little bit this summer. What were we missing. Now I don’t know how to be friends with him. I can hardly look him in the eyes because he will so easily be able to see how I’m feeling. We both suck at hiding our feelings. I’m afraid that even looking him in the eyes, hugging him goodbye, will give away the fact that if he asked me today if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I’d say yes. But why do I want that still? Practically, I know there were some major no’s in the picture. But when your heart gets so involved how can it be totally wrong. I don’t want him to know that I might still like him. I want more than anything for him to be my friend and for me just to want to be friends with him. but I need him to be supportive I think. I wish he could just know that I still like him, but know that i’m trying to get over it. I wish he could try to get me to talk about other guys with him. Maybe that would be too awkward but maybe it would solidify in my mind his position as just my friend. Today is Saturday and all I want to do is hang out with him, but what if he doesn’t want to hang out with me. Or what if I want to hang out, but as soon as we do, I can’t do it. What if I can’t stop thinking of him as more than friends.”


2 Days In Paris.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:42 AM

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I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good. The idea that this is it, this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. To decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem — it’s very difficult for me. I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life. It was a lie but I said it anyway. 
It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.
When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story.
I really love this one.





When I think that its over, that I’ll never see him again like this… well yes, I’ll bump into him, we’ll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.





Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.




There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses. 

Feeling Better Now.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 10:12 AM

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I finally got answers. Never thought that Stallion, my old buddy, would be helping me out on getting the truth out.


I told him I am afraid that when the time comes when he's ready to let me in again in his life, I wouldn't love him as much as I did before. I wouldn't be able to care for him and shower him with so much love and be the best person for him. But I told him I would try to wait for him. But I am already tired, I said. My heart' can wait for him only up to a certain point and then it gets exhausted.


He said, "Thank you for taking this risk. I love you and I'd never find another you. You are my greatest love and I don't know if I'd ever meet anyone who loves and cares for me as much as you do. But I can't be your happy place now. I'm sorry. But I love you very much that I don't want you to hurt like that. You're strong and I am just asking for you to be stronger and wait a little longer for me. Just hold on to the thought that you're still the one my heart's beating for and that you're my special girl and you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."


We both agreed that we'll be looking after each other. We both promised to pray for our love. 


We pray that our love would "withstand the test of time". 

Questions.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 2:56 PM

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Lord, this should feel right, shouldn't it? Why don't I feel right about it? 


If this is my answered prayer, why am I not happy about it?

Is this a sign?


I love You Lord and I believe you're planning the best for me.
I just want to know what this means, all of this. 

Que Sera, Sera..

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:53 AM

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Checked my phone as soon as I opened my eyes today. Slept for only 3 hours and my body clock just won't give me some more sleep. Read my inbox, saw his messages and thanked the Lord, it wasn't just a dream. I am awake and all these words we have exchanged before we fell asleep were real. Without having to say it aloud, we know.. We still love each other.


I've prayed hard for this. Now I don't know what to do, what I want to occur next. Told myself I shouldn't expect for something to happen in the days to come. No expectations, no commitments. I should pray harder that I could stick to these rules. 

Not An Inception Movie Review.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 7:47 PM

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A Facebook friend's status: ______ is curious how the regular everyday juans & marias would react to the movie Inception.


My reply: I'm a regular everyday MARIANNE. I'm neither smart nor attentive but I understood it. One doesn't really need to be of higher intellect to grasp what it's all about. Afterall, it's just a movie, not an IQ exam. ;)

Where Did My Books Go?!

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 8:52 PM

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I woke up today with an odd thought in mind: "Where did my books go?"

I suddenly remembered some books I bought 2 to 3 years ago that I have not seen in my room, nor in my brothers' room, for a long time. 

1. I particularly recall that I have 3 books about abused children. A Child Called It, The Chinese Cinderella, and a book I bought at Booksale for P15. All 3, inexplicably gone.

2. I also have a collection of Jessica Zafra's Twisted books, from the first till the last one she's published (there are 8 Twisted books plus the others). The only book left with me is The Flip Reader. :(

3. I know I have a lot more books that I couldn't seem to find now: Sidney Sheldon's novels that my dad bought for me, hardbound, back in highschool (he always disapproved of me reading these novels at age 12 but got tired of reprimanding me eventually), as well as John Grisham's and Danielle Steel's novels. Also those chic lit books by Summit Media: The Break Up Diaries, Vince's Life, Drama Queen, etc. Lastly, my Neil Gaiman, Nicholas Sparks, and Paulo Coelho books.

WHERE DID MY BOOKS GO?

I figured, I should have made a list of all the books I have purchased or were given to me as gifts eversince. I would beginning today.

Thus, I decided to SLEEP with my books again. (To keep an eye on them.) My mom would freak out if she'd see all of my books on my bed but she can't wrestle me on this.




I used to have more books! WHERE DID MY BOOKS GO?!

Panic.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 12:22 PM

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You open your mouth. Open it so wide  your jaws creak. You order your lungs to draw air. Now, you need air, need it NOW. But your airways ignore you. They collapse, tighten, squeeze, and suddenly you're breathing through a drinking straw. Your mouth closes and your lips purse and all you can manage is a strangled croak. Your hands wriggle and shake. Somewhere a dam has cracked open and a flood of cold sweat spills, drenches your body. You want to scream. You would if you could. But you have to breathe to scream.

Panic.

         - The Kite Runner.

Negative.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 10:10 AM

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Yes, I believe there are more unhappy people in the world. That includes me. The blogs I've recently followed all tell the same stories. Of love and hurt, of feeling unloved, of feeling inadequate for someone, of insecurities, of suicidal ideation, of loneliness, of being misunderstood, of wanting to be perfect. 


I have always thought that I'm happy. I guess I miscalculated my emotions. I hop from one feeling to another. Happiness to loneliness to disappointments to regrets to frustrations to feeling blessed, etc. I haven't been clinically diagnosed as a Bipolar person but I think I'm worse than that condition. 


Lately, I have been having nagging thoughts of wanting to get killed. Of going into isolation. Of moving far away. I could not pinpoint exactly what my problem is, but I am very much aware that something is definitely wrong. 
(Too lazy to think about it though.)


All I know and am sure of is.. I am a hell of an unhappy person. 


I am sad. I am lonely. I am miserable.


- Miserable, Lit (playing on background)

A Song For Rainy Days.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 8:43 AM

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Dressed up from head to toe, to get by.
it seems once again, I forgot what keeps me safe and dry.
to the weepy windowpanes, that are dripping with dew...
I can hear the rain outside, falling from the sky



And you can hear the..
pitter patter on the rooftop
you can listen to the rythem of the raindrops
I wish that the sun would come and stay
but this is a song for rainy days



Let's go dance around in the rain
don't pay any attention to the people staring from inside
we'll leave all our cares behind

And I know once the clouds shed their tears
I know that I'll be okay
I know that I'll be okay

Even if the rain always wins
and forces my eyes shut, to dream of
I'll still dream of brighter days... 

-Cinematic Sunrise, Umbrellas and Elephants.

Pretty Pictures.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 12:11 PM

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The Good Samaritan.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 8:39 AM

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2 Misconceptions About Love (according to yesterday’s Gospel and homily):

1. That love is all about doing something.

— Love is not a compulsion or a need of having to always do something for someone. It is not about fulfilling your own desires of making people happy or helping others. It is not about filling up your own personal deficiencies just to feel good. Love is never only about you, you, you. It is a mutual relationship, a give and take relationship.

2. That love is always a good feeling.

— Love is not always pretty. Love is big enough to accommodate pain, disappointments, hurt and frustrations. Love is about sacrifices, of laying down yourself for others.

Terrible.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 2:18 PM

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I had a nagging thought that I wanted to get hit by a vehicle -- any vehicle -- on my way home.

Thank God I'm here.. and safe.

Thank you gd Maane.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 6:42 PM

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You can't imagine how happy I am that I made you happy.

Happy birthday. :)

Directions.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 10:36 AM

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I've been having a recurring dream for a week already.

I'm in a cab and I haven't said anything to the driver where I'm heading to but he started driving anyway as if he knew where I'm going.

He drove from my house, took a left turn and a right and headed straight, passing by Jollibee Jaro and Macro, left turn, took a right turn at the first crossroad. Drove straight, passing by a little wet market at the street side, entered a subdivision, took a turn at the first right, then left, first right, second left, then finally stopped at the 9th gate at the left side of the street, white house with a black gate.




It's your house.

HPBDY.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:40 AM

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You have no idea..

How much I want to be the first birthday greeting you'll ever receive.
How much I would love to surprise you with a birthday cake at your doorstep.
How much I want to tell you that I love you and I'll always be around.
How much I want to make you happy because I have always been your happy place, you said.

And..

How much I fear being rejected by you.
That I don't matter anymore.
That you won't appreciate these simple things I want to do for you.

But happy birthday anyway. It's your day, you don't have to be annoyed by me.

For The Love Of The Beat.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 9:39 AM

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"For the love of music, for the love beat..."

This is the band's drive and motivation as they recorded their songs, compiled it in a CD and eventually launched their Deep City Lights album last June 11th of this year.

The Liberty Jam, a four-piece band composed of Nescel on guitars, Stephen on bass, Paolo on drums and Kewpee as vocals (with Benjo filling in Kewpee's absentia), was born on May 9, 2008 (with Borgy and Fred originally on bass and drums, respectively). These guys, who share the same passion and love towards music, wrote their own song lyrics and made its rhythms to come up with original compositions depicting their individual experiences, as well as the band's struggle to differ from what's already the fad and be authentic. It took them a year to write all the 8 tracks of unique sounds and melody, played these in local gigs and also got invitations to share their sounds not only in the confines of Iloilo alone but also in Aklan, Negros and Cebu. Having a lot of friends have always been their advantage because they have gained crowds during jam sessions and have eventually become their loyal supporters, a major help in the selling out of their album.

Not having a lot of financial resources, this has never been a hindrance with TLJ to record their songs. Every single penny came from their not-so abundant pockets. Some even had to do manual labor just to help in the recording. And it doesn't matter. Again, "for the love of music", coupled with prayers and support from their friends (who stayed up late with them during the recording process and provided them whatever they needed), sacrificing having to spend Christmas and New Year's with their very own loved ones, just to make everything fall in the right places -- TLJ's will and determination is, without a doubt, very remarkable.

TLJ did not make their music to be popular or to be envied by others. As far as they are concerned, they have never took advantage of anyone just to make it to where they are now. Someone who knows the real story behind these guys' hardwork and sacrifices would definitely be inspired by them. TLJ made their music to uplift Ilonggo's music scene, to represent the Ilonggos, and most importantly, to inspire other Ilonggo bands that they too can prove themselves worthy to be called musicians and artists and not merely "just another band doing a cover of another band's songs".

Despite the band's status right now, they have remained humble and continued pursuing for the best by rehearsing every chance they get in order to improve on their craft and deliver the best performances during gigs. Mr. Manager, Patrick Mabilog sees to it that disciple is imposed during practice hours (lates are not tolerated).

Because of the album launching's turn-out, TLJ is now inspired to compose their new set of songs and strive for the best to cater their supporter's and listener's needs. Hopefully, they will be able to release their next album soon (in a year or two), with fingers crossed and with prayers addressed to the Almighty.


--- We yearn for the best and your criticisms allow us room to expand on our capabilities and improve on whatever we have already been doing. ---

LTWYL.

Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 4:41 PM

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You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting fuckin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

- Rihanna, Eminem.
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