Negative.
Posted by Maane Simpas | Posted in | Posted on 10:10 AM
Yes, I believe there are more unhappy people in the world. That includes me. The blogs I've recently followed all tell the same stories. Of love and hurt, of feeling unloved, of feeling inadequate for someone, of insecurities, of suicidal ideation, of loneliness, of being misunderstood, of wanting to be perfect.
I have always thought that I'm happy. I guess I miscalculated my emotions. I hop from one feeling to another. Happiness to loneliness to disappointments to regrets to frustrations to feeling blessed, etc. I haven't been clinically diagnosed as a Bipolar person but I think I'm worse than that condition.
Lately, I have been having nagging thoughts of wanting to get killed. Of going into isolation. Of moving far away. I could not pinpoint exactly what my problem is, but I am very much aware that something is definitely wrong.
(Too lazy to think about it though.)
All I know and am sure of is.. I am a hell of an unhappy person.
I am sad. I am lonely. I am miserable.
- Miserable, Lit (playing on background)
I'm listening to a song now, do you know it?
"Sister I'm turning blue
I'm holding my breath
For a dream gone dead
I'm kickin' a jones for you
'cause the truth
Don't fit inside my head.."
Sometimes I feel exactly like that.
Anyway, I have those moments too. When I just feel so fucking sad I want to lie down all day and think sad thoughts, and listen to sad songs, and just be lonely and sad and depressed.
And then I get over it. I think you will, too. (Eventually I get back to being sad, but then I'm happy again, or maybe not happy, but just alive, and then I'm not... life's a cycle. Or I'm possibly bipolar.)
Long drives usually trigger these thoughts and emotions. I couldn't count anymore how many times it has been for me, breaking down in public vehicles. I think about a lot of undesirable things (more than I should) on my way home.
Maybe it's just the rainy season and the gloom. I know I'll get over it. ;)
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one feeling like this.